♥ MISS NATASHA IS NOW SMILING AT YOU ♥: May 2011

Thursday, May 19, 2011

when i fall in love . . .

When I fall in love, how would I feel? I asked this question to myself countless times, and even now as I write, I cannot help but reflect on those times when I did fall in love - madly, fondly and blindly.

But alas! Love and Fate enjoy teasing a young man like me, for I had stumbled again. This sweet and wonderful dream that I perceived it to be, is in fact, just another faraway and fading one. What you will read in this poem, will be what I was feeling last night, when everything seemed so rosy and lovely. But things are not to be now.

When I fall in love,
I want to be
with him always;

In happiness,
to smile with him,
and be the one
to hug him near.

In sadness,
to cry with him,
and be the one
to dry his tears.

When I fall in love,
I will spend my
every waking
and sleeping
moments
with him
and catch each
moment in its
eternally
lovely
form.

When I fall in love,
I will miss him
the very moment
I say 'goodbye'

and my heart
will yearn for
the very moment
I say �hello'.

When I fall in love,
all my old hurts
and pains
will seem
lost and
faded
away

and I will be
strong and
brave
once
again.

When I fall in love,
I want you
to be happy
always, ever

and feel like
the happiest
person
of them
all . . .

Because that's

what I will feel,

when I fall in love,

is only with you :)

published by, edited by,

'Love Poem' tasha:)

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

One Day You'll See :)

This poem reminded me that there are others out there that are struggling with the exact same things that I am :( *chop chop ! actually , i am not in this situation :) for me , this poem grab me at the first line and move me to tears before I could even finished the poem. I could relate to every single word the author wrote I hope that day comes for both of us. I give this poem highest possible rating.

The first time I saw you,

I knew you were the one.
There was no question in my mind,
after having that much fun.

There's just something about you,
that I've never found before.
And now that we're good friends,
I find myself wanting more.

I never thought it possible,
to care for one so much.
But everyday that passes,
I long to feel your touch.

To look into your eyes,
would make my day complete,
cause every time you look at me,
my heart just skips a beat.

Everything I'd wished for,
every dream I'd hope come true,
I never thought would happen,
until the day that I met you.

I know that your not ready,
for the kind of commitment that I am,
but for you I'd wait forever,
there's nothing I can't stand.

Although it hurts to know,
that you don't feel the same as me,
hopefully one day you'll realize,
one day you'll wake up and see.

Monday, May 16, 2011

advices@supporting from all my beloved friends. thanks guys :) *copied from facebook :)

okay first all , i copy semua nih sebab ? sebab i boring :) n mcm terharu bila ada org yg amik berat kat i . thanks alot guys :) loveyouu . .

: chit-chating with emul&fyqa :)

NfIeqah Ieqa
im crying n sympthy wif u ca when i read ur blog :'(,..sbar k,.kte sntiasa doakan kejayaan awk,.,.hmmm,..be cool,.=D

Yesterday at 6:48pm · · · See Friendship

- Eva Natasha Hudson hmphh :'( thanks coz care kat kte . .
  
  Yesterday at 7:04pm ·
- NfIeqah Ieqa kte xly la ngk awk cmny,.hmmm,.
  
  Yesterday at 7:05pm ·
- Eva Natasha Hudson kan ? kesian kan . hmm , nasib kte wak .
  
  Yesterday at 7:05pm ·
- Najmul Hanani tisu tisu tisu
  
  23 hours ago ·
- Eva Natasha Hudson ‎:'(
  
  23 hours ago ·
- Najmul Hanani tadi kte cte kat umi
  
  23 hours ago ·
- Eva Natasha Hudson then ??
  
  23 hours ago ·
- Najmul Hanani umi kata some parents tak suke n kureng ngan swasta nih , ada y parents ta kesa , tu lah , kte ckp tasha minat tesl , ayah dia ta kesa tp mak dia y ta bg , swo g f6 , then umi ckp , lw dah ma dia ta bg , ikut jela , lw tasha nak sgt g , then ma msti izinkan tasha dgn cara tpaksakan , so its better dgr ckp parents , kang lw parents ta restu , nt ta berkat apa y kte blaja
  
  23 hours ago ·
- Eva Natasha Hudson awk cte kat umi ? ee , malu tau :) hm tu lahh . kte pun tak bole nak ckp apa mul . semua tuh kte redha jer . tunggu jer lah apa pun keputusan ma kte . haih :'(
  
  8 hours ago ·
  
  : chit-chating with sis aerisyah :)
  
  Aerisya Eiriyah's
  mgapa kmo 10sen dear ? stiap msalah adew pnyelesaiaannye sayunk
  Yesterday at 2:37pm · · · See Friendship
- Eva Natasha Hudson mmg ada penyelesaian . but kalau dah rasa mcm terlalu berat , better ... hmph --'
  
  Yesterday at 2:50pm ·
- Aerisya Eiriyah's mmm sabow ye dear...sis simpti pda kmo
  
  Yesterday at 2:51pm ·
- Eva Natasha Hudson hmph
  
  Yesterday at 2:53pm ·
- Aerisya Eiriyah's xpe mksudnye ? xphm bleyh than
  
  Yesterday at 2:53pm ·
- Eva Natasha Hudson hmm , nta lah . dah tak tahu nak ckp mcm mana . tak tahu sapa yg boleh phm dgn situation nih . yeah , only God know it :(
  
  Yesterday at 2:56pm ·
- Aerisya Eiriyah's emm wish kmo bjaya tmpuh,,,
  
  Yesterday at 2:59pm ·
- Eva Natasha Hudson hmph . hope so :'(
  
  : chit-chating with sis nad & anas :)
  
  Eva Natasha Hudson
  kay tension lagi --' dah tak tahu nak ckp ape . malas nak buat ape ape dah . kalau hidup pun byk problem , baik mati . even tak baik aku ckp mcm nih . but it's a fact . mcm tak de guna utk hidup kalau semua benda buat tak kena --' yess , aku tahu semua ni ada hikmah . but when ???? ya Allah tolong lahh . aku dah tak sanggup nak tempuh dugaan nihh :'(Yesterday at 2:34pm · Friends Only · ·
- Noty MuarBoy and Nur Nadhirah Azman like this.
- Abdullah Anas lek la...be strong gurl..=)
  
  Yesterday at 3:18pm ·
- Eva Natasha Hudson try --'
  
  Yesterday at 3:18pm ·
- Nur Nadhirah Azman muda lagi,.. no need to act like dis.. :)
  
  Yesterday at 4:55pm ·
- Eva Natasha Hudson hmph , mmg . tapi lama lama jadi letih bila terus mcm nih -.-
  
  Yesterday at 4:56pm ·
- Nur Nadhirah Azman ape yg terjadik, ade hikmahnya.. :)
  
  Yesterday at 4:57pm ·
- Eva Natasha Hudson tp sampai bila sehh :'(
  
  Yesterday at 4:57pm ·
- Nur Nadhirah Azman sampai kamu betol2 kuwat.. ;)
  
  Yesterday at 4:59pm ·
- Eva Natasha Hudson hmm, rasa mcm dah tak kuat sangat nak hadapi semua nihh nad :( even ada cara bole settle , tp mcm lemah sangat nak hadap benda nihh :'(
  
  Yesterday at 5:02pm ·
- Nur Nadhirah Azman tuh namenye kehidupan.. xsemesty kite xbole happy rite?? jgn diekotkan sgt prasaan tuh.. yg penting.. jgn wat bkn2! oke sis?
  
  Yesterday at 5:03pm ·
- Eva Natasha Hudson tak pernah rasa hidup jd mcm ni . baru first time Allah nak test . tp mcm dah berat sgt nak pikul :'( buat bnda yg bukan bukan tu tak lah . selagi ingat kat Allah , insyaallah kte tak kan buat mcm tuh . thanks for your advice sis :'(
  
  Yesterday at 5:05pm ·
- Nur Nadhirah Azman just b strong kayh.. tuh baru sikit.. awak tuh muda lagi.. :) dah.. just take care ur self.. :) welcome lil sis.. :)
  
  Yesterday at 5:06pm ·
- Eva Natasha Hudson okayy , thanks :) n i try to be strong .
  
  Yesterday at 5:07pm ·
  
  : chit-chating with sis tomato & hidayah & ika :)
  - Ika Shukor, Mohd Hanafi, Eqin Zayna and 2 others like this.
  - Cik Tomato
    dear,sedih bace blog u..errmm..be strong k..i know bot my cousin...die mmg setia..jgn risau psl 2 ye..akak tau die mmg syg aca bagai gilerr...so,jgn risau..ade jdh x kemane...psl blaja 2,honestly,akak pon blaja kat kptm..da grad da pun...mm...g la nmpk cm swasta...tp,die loan mara..jage pointer,loan mara akan jd scholarship...just bayar brp persent je if pointer ok..dan klau aca amek kos under uitm,nnt konvo pon mmg kat uitm..yg beza nye cume blaja kat kptm..tp final smue dr uitm...n now..up 2 u k..pk memasak..smbng blaja melibatkan ms depan...gud luck k dear..=.=See More
    
    22 hours ago · · 1 personExplores Gurlz likes this.
    
    Nurhidayah Mohd Sis so sad lah ur story,having a strong desire to do smething so that u will not let anyone stop u..i will support u,gudluck yea 4 ur life..cayok3,:)
    
    18 hours ago ·
    
    Eva Natasha Hudson to Cik Tomato & Nurhidayah Mohd Sis : thanks for ur advice kay . really really appreciate :) & thanks for support me from back . iloveyou guys ♥ . n now , about study or what , just tunggu lah apa pun keputusan mama aca . n i try to be strong :) & terasa sedih pulak ada jugak org yg simpati :'( thanks again ♥
    
    8 hours ago · · 1 personLoading...
    
    Ika Shukor Aca , I'm sorry to hear this :(
    
    5 hours ago · · 1 personLoading...
    
    Eva Natasha Hudson ‎Ika Shukor : it's okayy . semua kan mmg dah dah Allah yg tentukan :'(
    
    5 hours ago · · 1 personLoading...
    
    Ika Shukor Aca sabar okay ? :(
    
    5 hours ago · · 1 personLoading...
    
    Eva Natasha Hudson okay :(
    : inbox from jue :)
    
    Jue Yusof
    SI CANTIK! <3
    darl,i've read ur blog..well,as u know,sume org akan bg nasihat kan...as 4 that,awak ambik sume tu sbg satu 'tembok pertahanan' la kate org...chewahh.. it can use if u really don't know what to do anymore,got really frustrated,.. simpan sume nasihat org laen baek2 supaya awak kuat... biase la kan klu x sependapat dgn org laen..lg2 family kte...tp make sure u solve it wisely.. ape kate awk print or get any brochure kolej yg awk nk g tu...then tampal kat ice box ke....ltak kat meja mak awak ke..make smething cute..to show that u are really want to go there..and u know u are meant to futher ur study kat sane.. MOGOK is not the way to solve it..but it will be worst for ur family relationship.. andai kata awk xde rezeki g sane,xpe... form 6 tu awak anggap mcm pengalaman dlu... awak kene ade minat atleast ckit la for form 6 incase awak kene hbskan study kat sane..bkan ape...atleast rase frust menonggeng awak tu x parah sngt kan.. i've been in ur situation b4...tp kte amik pendapat org laen jgak... yela,org kate zaman skrg xbleh memilih..but i didn't take that as i dun have any choices...cume ade jgak terfikir,,ke mana pun kte pergi kene ade restu... baru berkat sume bende yg kite buat kan... yg penting.. PLEASE be strong to go thru this beautiful journey,,this is just the beginning of our life...lgpun,awak ade bnyak 'backup' yg syg awak kan...i know ur friends and ur love one msti selalu kuatkan semangat awak...so no excuses 4 u to surrender babe! wish u all the best..kte tau sume bleh success...yg penting sabar... SYG AWAK!
    
    19 minutes ago
    Eva Natasha Hudson
    jueee , terharu sangat tau baca text nihh :'( thanks kayy jue . really apreciate :) n i'll try yg tampal tampal bagai tuhh :) hihi . thanks alot for supporting me :'( sampai dah tak tahu nak ckp ape :( ada jugak masa awk baca blog kte n advice kte nih semua :'( thanks again kayhh . kte pun SAYANG AWAK ! ♥♥

Sunday, May 15, 2011

when i read someone's blog . . . suddenly , i cried while listening this song :'(

i'm bored :'( so bored . but then , tadi i pergi layan blog orang . ada sad , ada happy , ada complicated . hihi . but fun . yahh , saja nak layan kan diri aku yg sedih sesangat nihh :'( only God know what am i feel T_T . enough said . i'll cry again & again . kayhh , just now , i pergi tengok tengok blog . but suddenly , i terbaca blog dia . maigod , so sad . but so sweet :'( her boyf dah meninggal --' pffftt . kesiann sangat . dia betul betul sedihh . and the way she write , the way she said , it really really make me cry . tsk . if it happen to me ? what am i gonna do ? shitt . i cant stand for it . let see , kalau bukan boyf pun , but parents kita ? howw ? maigod maigod :'( so pity . then when i heard this fucking sweet song , im crying again . i show you the song . puas i carik tau lagu apa . but then baru tahu . HAHA . lagu Yuna-Deeper Conversation . whoa ! best lagu nih . blog dia used this song . best sangat tau . lagi lagi die tengah sedih T_T nahh , dengar lahh .

best takk ? takk ? lantak lahh . for me best . . then dgn story die yang fuhh . . make me touched -.-

enough said , bye :)

:'( a day that im so sad :'(

'hmmm' , only the word can i write n say everyday :'( how can i describe it ? it too much for me .too much . ya Allah , only you can change all this . please let me go far n far away with all this . i cant stand for it T_T . kay since spm result keluar , aku mmg betul betul hampa with the result . but it's not too bad . okay lah . but for me , it really really made mama & ayah kecewa . yess i know ! even diorang tak tunjuk . but from my bottom of heart , it true ! yeah , diorang dah bagi semua kemahuan & kehendak aku tanpa berfikir panjang . but lastly , aku dah buat diorang hampa :'( n now what am i gonna do ??

kayh now result yg i apply at SPA , MAKTAB , && UPU semua menghampakan . sangat menghampakan -_- bila check balik balik 'maaf , anda ... bla bla bla' maigod . silence for awhile ==' pffttt . why why ? teruk sgt ker result aku tuh sampaikan semua tak dapat . n last , dpt form6 . a thing that very very scary to force it :'( yeah , even just not till 2year but kena struggle habis habis . then bila pointer tak capai target , it just waste my time :'( n i know level aku sampai mana . i'm not like the others yg suka baca buku 24/7 n i'm not the one who like to remeber the fact . yeah ! i'm the lazy one . && i know what level i am :( i cant stand anymore :(

n now my problem is tak bertegur dgn mama :'( im so sad . because ? coz mama not agree utk apply kolej poly-tech mara (kptm) . mama seboleh boleh tak nak aku masuk swasta . but why ma ? why ? counsellor aca ckp , skrg kita dah tak pandang swasta/kerajaan . semua tuh sama jer . but the different is jumlah duit . that's all . kay , aku dapat offer course teaching english as a second language (TESL) . yess ! mmg course yg aku minat sangat ! sangat minat ! yeah , i know kptm tuh swasta . but dia half dgn uitm . then under mara . why mama nak risau lagi ? maa , itu mmg minat aca . aca dah tak nak gaduh , bertekak dgn mama . mama tetap dgn pilihan mama kan . tp pilihan aca ? kenapa sikit pun mama tak nak berlembut setakat die tak full goverment . mama jgn lah terlalu dengar dgn pandangan counsellor sekolah sains tuh . mama tolong lah dengar pandangan aca . counsellor dato' & convent dah bagi penerangan dekat aca . but bila aca slow talk dgn mama , mama mesti tegang dgn aca . mesti nak ckp ; 'dah lahh , lantak lah kau nak jadi apa pun . ckp mama mana kau nak dengar . semua nak ikut hati dan rentak kau . kalau nak pergi sangat , pergilah . bayar pakai duit kau sendiri . mama tak nak campur . kau nak sangat kan . bangga lah sangat dgn swasta kau tuh . okay go on . kau nak kerja apa ker , jadi apa ker , lantak lah sana .. bla bla bla ' hmm , mama asyik ckp mcm tuh jer . then ayh selalu back up i . but bila mama dah mcm tu , ayh pun dah tak tahu nak ckp apa . ayh tak pernah kesa apa pun aku nak . janji aku nak belajar , ada minat & berjaya . susah kan nak dpt ayh mcm aku . ayh jer yg selalu phm aku bila apa pun masalah aku . masalah aku selalu aku cerita dekat ayh . ayh selalu bagi nasihat . yer , aca tak salah kan mama , mama jadi mcm ni pun sebab aca kan . yelah apa mama nak mana aca nak ikut . then now , terimalah . mama tak kan dengar pun kan ckp aca .

now aca sedih sangat sebab hubungan aca n mama pun dah berenggang . mama dah tak rapat dengan aca mcm dulu even mama selalu membebel & marah marah aca . aca tahu mama marah pun sebab mama sayang aca . tp skrg dah 3hari mama tak tegur aca . aca pun tak nak tegur mama . sebab aca pun geram jugak mama ckp mcm tuh . mcm seolah olah mama tak bersyukur dpt anak mcm aca kan ? yee , mmg aca anak tak guna ! anak derhaka ! dah la ma , kalau ma dah tak nak tengok muka aca nih pun , baik aca mati jer . tak guna aca hidup kalau buat mama sakit hati . hidup aca pun tak kan senang kalau mama tak doakan kebahagiaan aca :'( *my tears falling down through my face T_T'

aca pun tak paham kenapa mama keras hati tak terima kptm tu ? sebab aca dapat kat kL ke ? then mama takut aca campur dgn budak tak betul , pakai sexy bagai tuh semua ? ya Allah ma , kalau tu lah mama fikir , aca pun tak tahu nak cakap apa ma . maa , selagi aca sembahyang , ingat Allah , INSYAALLAH ma .. aca tak kan tergolong dgn budak budak tuh semua . ma , aca dah besar . aca tahu mana buruk mana baik . dah masa untuk aca berdikari . then bila aca dah berdikari tuh , aca akan tahu susah nya hidup without mama & ayah by my side . so automatic aca akan selalu bertindak ke arah yg benar ma . percayalah ma . aca just nak banggakan mama dgn ayh satu hari nanti . aca dah tak nak dengar mulut orang ckp ; 'harap jer anak sorang tapi tak .....' aca akan terbelikkan mata semua orang yg i aca pun berjaya mcm mana mama & ayah harapkan :'( tapi tolong lah maaa , aca mohon , merayu sangat ... tolong restu n doakan kejayaan aca . dengan doa mama , insyaAllah rezeki dan masa depan aca akan cerah maa :'(

maaa , aca sayanggg mama sangat sangat . aca nak rapat dengan mama mcm dulu T_T . hidup aca tak tenang ma bila mama buat tak hendah dgn aca :'( tolong lah bincang & slow talk dgn aca maa . tak kan aca asyik nak cerita semua benda dekat ayh . sampaikan ayh pun tak tahu nak buat apa bila mama dah berperangai keras dgn aca . sikit pun mama tak nak dengar pandangan aca . kalau ma nak sangat aca masuk form6 tuh , okay fine . aca redha ma . dan aca akan cuba buat yg terbaik even hati aca berat sangat nak tempuh semua nih . asalkan mama bahagia kan ? but in the sametime , aca mohon wake up ur mind lah ma . jgn nak mind set yg negative pasal swasta/kerajaan ni . ni masa depan aca . tak kan mama nak control jugak . sampai hati kan mama buat aca mcm ni . tak pe lah ma , anak derhaka ni lah akan bangga kan mama satu hari nanti !!!! tengok lah sapa yg akan belikan mama 'mitsubishi lancer' n belikan ayh 'ducati/bikes yg lebih canggih dari sekarang' . hold my word okayy !!! i mean it !
--> to my beloved mom :'(

maa . . maafkan aca ma . i cant be perfect as you want :'(

kay lah , enough for me :'(
thanks , bye T_T

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

: the day menggiloo :

today ( 10may 2011)

yeahh , as i said yesterday , this morning (7am) hby called before hby gerak pergi NS :) so sad . dengar suara mesti nangis . meleleh jer air mata nii :( but just step okay okay . tak nak tengok hby sedih lagi . tak nak tengok hby nangis before pergi :( then we talked . tahan jer sedih depan hby . hm :'( then pukul 9 siap siap nak pergi convent . jumpa counsellor jap . ask some questions lahh :) around 1+pm baru keluar dari school :) then as per normal . going somewhere . HAHA . i keluar dgn fyqa,joya n wany :) thanks to u all because make me happy even for awhile :) tak lahh boring n sedih kann :) then we all pergi kfc , round wetex parade , n the last pergi karokae ;) wee , best . hilang rasa sedih sikit :'( but im still thinking of him even i buat apa pun T_T then balik lepak fyqa's home while waiting for joya's mom take we back :) bila sampai rumah , im alone :( sedih dtg lagi . homaigod , i dont know why am i so touched when i thinking of hby T_T then tak tahu buat apa . parents keluar . sampai rumah around 7.35pm . maigod , boring sangat . tengok phone tak de ape . then lama sikit fyqa text . then layan lahh :) okay , tak tahu buat apa , have dinner while watching tv --' very damn today :(

suddenly .........

i got some call ......

guess who ??

homaigod ! hby is calling me ! with a excited , i picked up the phone :) maigod , im crying when heard his voice T_T then we talked . he only can call just for 15min . but sokeyy , im so happy even sedih :( maigod , hby pun rindu sangat2 . he said mcm nak balik rumah jer :'( hmm .. kayh , im crying again :'( then after finished , on9 FB :) make a status , chatting with wany at ym n skype jap . HAHA . then post entry di blog :) okay lahh , enough for today :) kbye :)

ohh yeah , here i shared some pictures that we snap tadi :)